Am I In Love or Am I Forcing It?
My ex boyfriend has been contacting me more ever since we saw each other again in Georgia. But I’m also still dating this guy for almost 2 months who I met at a park. My family might visit me on Valentine’s Day and my ex will most probably come because of me. He told me we’re going to have a date. I want to have a relationship already but I feel like I’m falling in love for these two guys! It’s probably not a big mistake but my ex asked me if I’ve been dating someone here in Vegas and I said no. This guy here too asked me if my ex and I met and I denied it. Ugh! I know it’s only me to blame if this is going to create more mess but I really don’t know what to do.
Last night, I took this quiz from Cosmo: Are you in love or forcing it? I took it twice because of these two guys I think I’m in love with and I got the same result!
Forcing It. Your guy may be great-looking, smart, and caring, but the fact is, he just ain’t making your heart go ga-gung, ga-gung. Not only do you frequently edit out unflattering things about him (his bad habits, his unsatisfying lovemaking style, his tendency to piss you off) when you talk about him to friends, you feel compelled to get their approval to know if you’re a good match.
“Women can talk themselves into being in love with a guy for a variety of reasons,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, a relationship therapist in New York City and author of Make Up, Don’t Breka Up. “You may be in love with the idea of love, so you fool yourself into thinking you are,” says Weil. “We live in the couples’ world, so having a man you care about but aren’t truly crazy for sometimes seems like a better alternative to being single. A relationship becomes a status symbol.” And having hordes o9f happily coupled-up pals doesn’t exactly help the situation. “You may be feeling pressure from friends around you who are either engaged or in committed relationships and don’t want to feel left behind.” explains Nancy Rosenbach, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City and Long Island. “So you rush to label yourself as ‘in love’ and don’t stop to wonder if you might have settled for someone who doesn’t truly stimulate you.” The truth is, trying to talk yourself into being head over heels will only backfire. “Not only are you cheating yourself out of having a truly passionate relationship, but you’re also setting yourself up to eventually become bored, take him for granted and pull away from him when someone better comes along,” says Rosenbach.
Perhaps it’s time to make a clean split with him and consider your guy options. “It’s scary to consider breaking away from what you have and getting out there to find a better match, because you may love the consistency of having a date every Saturday night and a steady sex partner and wonder if you’ll even meet someone better,” says Weil. But holding on to a guy who doesn’t make your pulse race does you and him disservice. You owe it to him to be honest about your feelings, and you owe it to yourself to consider parting ways – so your heart will be open to someone who’ll make it leap off the charts.
Fine. I might be wrong with this love I’m feeling. But what can I do??? I need help!!!
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